By the time the night is over we’ll already be halfway through the Democratic National Convention, and not a moment too soon. Don’t get me wrong, I was as glad as anyone to see Ted Kennedy so strong and vibrant last night (well, at least anyone but the Sean Hannities of the world who respond to Kennedy’s name with "Chappaquiddick" like some sort of nervous tick), and I thought that Michelle Obama delivered a fairly powerful speech after that. I’m not sure exactly what it was about the speech that moved so many in the crowd into tears, but I can respect that, unlike four years ago when I wanted to reach through my television screen and slap the face of every Republican who cried at that insipid Ronald Reagan tribute. The next couple of nights may hold a bit of interest as we all look to see just how desperate the Clintons get to draw attention back to themselves while still purportedly endorsing Barack Obama, but with the mystery of the roll call vote (allegedly) settled, little of genuine interest awaits. I now understand why the Democrats timed their convention to fall when it did: to show that the Democrats can trump Zhang Yimou and Zhang Jigang when it comes to choreography.

That was sarcasm. I did catch most of the Beijing Olympics’ opening and closing ceremonies (but little of the games themselves), and I have to admit that I was kind of impressed in spite of my conscience needling me about all the nasty things the Chinese government does to its people. I’m a sucker for a good show, what can I say. There are two lessons I think the Democrats and Republicans could learn from Beijing. First of all, all of this "red white and blue" stuff has been taken to extremes at the political conventions for far too long now. Sure there was a lot of red in the Beijing ceremonies, and at the various Olympic venues, but they made use of all the colours of the rainbow to dazzling effect. A little green or yellow or purple every now and then wouldn’t be such a bad thing at the conventions. Secondly, all of the performers flying about on wires really livened up things in Beijing, because we’re not used to epic performances like that making such effective use of all three dimensions. Normally there are only two elements of height present at a convention: the raised podium the speakers elocute from, and the balloons and confetti that fall from the ceiling at the end of the last night. Obama’s campaign won’t even have that because he’s giving his acceptance speak at an open-air stadium. If we’re past the point of trying to ascribe any sort of intellectual importance to the political conventions and we’re admitting that they’re mostly a show the politlcal parties put on for the whole nation, can’t they at least work at making it an interesting show?

The only thing more nauseating than how the political parties so carefully coordinate everything at the conventions is how much the news networks coordinate their coverage of the conventions. I still remember four years ago when Reverend Al Sharpton went a few minutes over his alloted time for his speech at the DNC, and Wolf Blitzer bemoaned that fact for ages, not because Sharpton’s speech was bad (it was probably the second best speech of the convention behind Obama’s), but because it meant less face time on CNN for poor old Wolf Blitzer. Last night I mostly watched MSNBC’s coverage, and looking at the crowds they had assembled behind their various sets was nauseating. The crowd behind Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews was mostly bedecked with t-shirts featuring the two anchors, at a place and a time when they’re not supposed to be the stars of the show. Yes, I’ve been a fan of Olbermann’s going back to his ESPN days, and yes, I bought his recent books, but Keith Olbermann’s face belongs on a t-shirt about as much as Paris Hilton’s face belongs on a quantum physics textbook. The crowd behind their "panel of experts" was even worse, cheering whenever Rachel Maddow made a point and booing whenever Pat Buchanan said almost anything, to the point where I was having very painful flashbacks to watching professional wrestling. Things like this are almost enough to drive a woman to watch C-SPAN.

There is one thing I’ll be interested in checking out, though. Four years ago at the Republican National Convention, not more than an hour or so after Bush gave his acceptance speech, John Kerry delivered a live speech at midnight, stealing some of Bush’s thunder. It was a bold move that reeked of attitude, a challenge to the established way of conducting convention business, and it might have worked if it weren’t for the fact that John Kerry’s speeches were soporific enough to start with. Kerry giving a speech a midnight is so potent a sedative I’m surprised the FDA didn’t step in to regulate how long Kerry could speak for fear of people going into comas. We already know that John McCain will be announcing his vice-presidential pick that Friday — likely Mitt "Who Let the Dogs Out?" Romney, joy of joys — so I’m curious to see if his campaign will use the same strike-at-midnight tactic the Kerry campaign used four years ago, especially since announcing a vice-president would pull a lot of focus away from Obama on his big night. Then again, Obama could turn around a week later after McCain’s acceptance speech with some of his own mellifluous musings at midnight. Come to think of it, can we maybe try to pass a rule that the candidates can only speak after midnight? It’d sure make avoiding them a lot easier.