posted 2003/08/29 at 23:35
New on Backwash: "Aeris". I warned you all that you were going to get a polemic from me for the GameFAQs visitors who kicked Aeris out of this year's tournament, and here it is. Somehow I have a feeling that this may become a yearly tradition; since every tournament will end in Mario vs. Link, perhaps we can have a contest to see who Aeris loses to in each year's tournament instead?
posted 2003/08/28 at 23:49
Well, the good news is that the whole Spectrum situation turned out a lot better than I thought it would. We've got a lot of great new members, and I think I've made peace with all the older ones who I'd been having problems with.
The bad news ... none of it feels like it really matters because of this continuing difficulty I'm having. I hope something breaks soon, because I don't know how long I can continue living like this.
posted 2003/08/27 at 23:33
Yes, I'm still here. Just be glad you aren't here right now, because it's hell. I think even my counselor is getting tired of this, because I've got such a negative cycle going right now, with negative feelings feeding on negative situations causing more negative feelings, that I don't think there's any way to break it.
All I can say is last year, I made the worst mistake of my life. I thought my biggest mistake was not going back to Antioch, but no, I was wrong. By the time I realized what a mistake I made with Antioch, it was too late to go back to all my friends there. I'm hoping like hell I can undo this new mistake, but whether or not I even have the chance to undo it isn't up to me.
I'm not perfect. And I'm no angel. But I'm trying, I swear I am. I can do better than I've done. And if I get the chance to prove it, then maybe I'll feel better than I have.
posted 2003/08/24 at 02:02
Okay, still here, still no response to the e-mail I sent on the 20th (see below for details), still feeling like shit. Really quick:
New on Backwash: "O'Blowme". One guess as to what it's about. For the record, yes, I picked up Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right on Friday; I've only gotten halfway through it so far, but it is once again scarily spot-on. It's not as funny as the Limbaugh book, but that's to be expected given how disillusioned those of us on the left have become these past few years.
Few quick notes here: Pepsi Vanilla is better than Vanilla Coke but still not as good as putting a few drops of vanilla extract in the cola of your choice (something I did often as a kid); Gardenburger's "Meatless Riblets" are just plain nasty, and a colossal-sized "FUCK YOU" to GameFAQs visitors for claiming that Sonic the Hedgehog is a better video game character than Aeris Gainsborough. I know I already wrote about that on the .org last year, but now Backwash gets to hear me muse on that next week.
With the new semester starting on Monday (and Spectrum with it), and me continuing to be in total fucking agony over that e-mail I sent on the 20th, expect the lack of updates here to continue for a few more days at least. I'll be back soon enough, but I just hope that e-mail gets read soon ...
posted 2003/08/20 at 13:49
The e-mail is sent. I've done everything I can, and now it's out of my hands. I know I'll have a hell of a time accepting that last part, but now I've just got to go on with my life as best I can, and hope for the best.
I'll probably be silent for a while here, save for my Backwash columns. For everyone who sent me support over the past twenty-four hours, I thank you sincerely. Now I can just step back and see what happens from here.
posted 2003/08/19 at 14:45
Okay, I'm doing much, much better now ... just kidding.
I'll be blunt: I've been on the Internet for close to nine years now. Tomorrow I may be sending the most important e-mail I've ever sent in all that time. If sometime tonight or early tomorrow you could try to send some good vibes my way, light a candle, say a prayer or whatever it is you do, I'd really appreciate it. I know I have a horrible tendency to make mountains out of molehills, but I really think this is something that could make or break me.
posted 2003/08/17 at 00:07
New on Backwash: "No Hope". Without the spirit to write about much else, I decided to just write about my current depression fit in general, not giving any specifics I didn't feel comfortable bringing up. I have to warn you, though, this one may be excessively whiny even by my standards, so read at your own risk.
posted 2003/08/16 at 19:20
Yahoo! News - Blackout Pinned on Failed Lines in Ohio
So we get to blame Cleveland! Oh joy, I'm an expert at that! Actually, I should say that I've been getting behind Dennis Kucinich in the presidential campaign, and I'm even able to overlook him being from Cleveland, but um ... Browns SUCK! Indians SUCK! Cavaliers SUCK! AHHHAhahahaaaa ...
Where's my medication?
posted 2003/08/15 at 20:12
Oh, and just to give you all a little more reason to hate me, while I was out Media Play hunting, I found a ten dollar bill on the sidewalk.
More reason to hate me? Oh, okay then ...
Grades for Summer Semester 2003:
ENGL-4080 -- Writing Workshop-Fiction: A
BUAD-3010 -- Principles of Marketing: A
GPA for Summer Semester 2003: 4.0
Cumulative GPA (24 courses/75 credit hours): 4.0
Ten more classes, thirty-one more credit hours to go. Oh, and then grad school too. I'm only keeping the GPA up for personal satisfaction up now, since I got shafted in terms of scholarships yet again, but we'll see how long I can keep this up. Graduating with the four point oh sure would be nice ...
posted at 18:46
Replay weekend at Media Play plus Björk's Live Box should have meant me getting it, but no, neither Media Play had it in. Sheesh. So instead I got a few of the DVDs I hadn't picked up yet: Inside Björk, Vessel and Live at the Royal Opera House. (And the scary part is, I still have a few more DVDs to get here.)
In addition, I also got the Soundtrack to Final Fantasy X (the crappy US version, yes, but I wanted a few tracks on there really bad, and I can wait to get the Japanese import with everything on it). So at least I have something to do in the ten ... shudder ... days before school starts back up.
posted 2003/08/14 at 17:54
Hi. I'm still here, although I lost power from about 4:15 to 4:55. Given the propensity for brownouts in the next couple of days, I may not be online that much, but then again that's to be expected.
So who are we going to blame for this, hmm? Liberals? Canada? Liberal Canadians?
posted 2003/08/13 at 20:56
You know, a few weeks ago I asked if I could sue Ann Coulter for calling me a traitor. Then Fox News turns around and sues Al Franken for using "fair and balanced" in the subtitle of his upcoming book (which promptly shot up to number one in Amazon.com preorders). I leave it as an exercise to the reader to connect the dots.
By the way, since I have some small experience in these matters, Franken's lawyers are going to have to be careful how they defend themselves here. If they say their use of "fair and balanced" is satire, then they could get in trouble because the Supreme Court ruled a while back that only parody, not satire, qualified under First Amendment protection. (The case in question involved someone spoofing Dr. Seuss' writing style for a picture book on the O.J. Simpson trial; I forget the exact details.) Of course, putting Fox News on trial themselves to determine whether or not they are "fair and balanced" would be the trial of the century, but I doubt that'll happen anytime soon.
posted 2003/08/12 at 14:07
Gallup Poll Analyses - Schwarzenegger Leads California Gubernatorial Race
Scroll down a bit to look at the current standings. That's right, Arianna Huffington is currently doing worse than Larry fucking Flynt. You know, I used to have a lot of respect for Californians ...
posted 2003/08/11 at 15:35
So I'm reading up on treatment of back pain, and all the places I go seem to suggest that doing yoga is a good way to relieve back pain. But what if you got that back pain doing yoga, hmm? Sheesh.
Two weeks from fall semester now. Of course I'm still here on campus trying to take care of some Spectrum business (the Website is finally back up, by the way), but then again I knew I'd have a lot of work to do when I accepted the position. I just hope all my hard work isn't in vain.
By the way, the .forum now has a "tech" folder for all the discussions on computing, the Internet, and such. Since we're on the subject, a question. Back when I started studying programming a few years ago, Microsoft's Visual Studio came with a component that let you use their Access engine for database access within a programme, but it only let you use it for small-scale distribution; once you distributed the programme a certain number of times, you had to pay Microsoft for a "real" Access engine. Is there a freeware database engine I can plug into Visual Basic for doing database access to replace Microsoft's? (Wow, is that geeky or what.)
posted 2003/08/09 at 23:56
New on Backwash.com: "Life on Both Sides of the Gender Divide". I know I haven't talked too much about being a transsexual since I "came out" here nine months ago, but with some of the stuff that's been going on in my life, I thought a little examination of gender-role typing and how it's impacted my life recently might be interesting. Yes, I'm being self-absorbed and whiny again, but I think I've got a few nuggets of wisdom buried in there somewhere. I think.
posted at 20:03
Nothing quite like having a bookcase fall apart on you when you're sitting six inches in front of it to ruin your day. Yeesh. Physically I'm fine, but I think I'm going to be avoiding as many stressful situations as possible for the next few days. On the plus side, going out to window shop for bookcases gave me the chance to buy my school supplies for the fall semester, but of course I had to screw that up and buy the wrong dividers for my notebook. Piddly stuff, I know, but still.
posted 2003/08/07 at 21:19
Done. Now let the vacation, or what passes for a vacation around these parts, commence.
By the way, note to Slashdot: Please let me know when I can mod down posts with blatant homosexual slurs in them and not get meta-moderated negatively. Until then, I don't think I'll be visiting anymore.
posted at 13:58
So here I am, hours before my last test for my final summer course, and I'm nervous. Mind you, I studied enough last night, I've got things relatively "down pat" and I'm recalling things without even needing the review sheet in front of me. And yet I'm still feeling uneasy about everything. Chances are I'll head to campus here really early, just so I don't have all the distractions of my bedroom around me, study up for a bit, and then take the test and get back here.
There's other stuff going on in my life to make me uneasy, of course, but I don't want to think too much about that stuff right now. Actually, getting my class out of the way might not be so good for me, simply because I can at least distract myself from everything else with my academics. And I really have no idea what else to do with the two-and-a-half weeks I'll have between tonight and the start of fall semester. I'm hopeless, aren't I?
posted 2003/08/06 at 15:35
The last lecture for my second summer class was yesterday; there's no class today, but a final tomorrow. I only need to get 82% on the final to secure an A for the class, but of course that's not going to stop me from studying like mad today. It's not like I've got anything better to do, anyway. And of course, with my "summer break" about to start, all of a sudden I've managed to catch a cold. In August.
Actually, it's been a fairly mild summer here; we haven't broken ninety all that much so far. We're actually staying at or below seasonal temperatures most of the time, compared to last summer where we were hitting 95 seemingly every other day. Of course, the real pisser is that apparently we're going to have another extra-cold, extra-snowy winter according to current predictions. All the more reason for me to go to grad school in Florida, eh?
posted 2003/08/04 at 16:16
My sister recently gave away a sticker she'd had for quite some time. It read:
Do Not Meddle in the Affairs of Dragons for you are CRUNCHY and Taste Good with KETCHUP!
For those of you who would mess with me this coming year on campus, remember: I am the dragon.
posted 2003/08/03 at 21:29
It's August. 22 days until the start of fall semester. Groan ...
Those of you who have some free time around 2100 Eastern, I'd suggest tuning into WGTE on the Web; for a public radio station, their Sunday night lineup is pretty eclectic. At 2100 is the locally-run Electronic Currents, which features surprisingly good electronic music; at 2200 Music from the Hearts of Space comes on for two hours of great study-time music. There used to be a cool world music show at 2000 called Crosswire, but that got canceled a few months ago and Folk Sampler got put in its place. Not to complain about Folk Sampler, but Crosswire played more Björk than any other Toledo radio station has done in history, I'd guess.
posted 2003/08/01 at 23:42
New on Backwash: "Recall This". A little discussion of the California recall procedure and how something similar that was being proposed in Canada got proven to be farcical by one of my favourite comedians.
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