I don’t really advertise the fact that I keep pages on MySpace and Facebook. Yes, I put the links on the sidebar of my Website, but I don’t talk about them that much because I don’t have a real interest in "recruiting" new "friends" on either site. The only real reason I have accounts on them is because some of the people I’ve met over the years have taken to them so much that messaging them on those Websites is often the only reliable way I have of getting hold of them. I’ve dressed up my pages on them a bit, but that’s mainly because I know that potential employers and clients might see them, and I figure it’s for the best if I have something that looks nice. I’ve had a few strangers get hold of me through there, reconnected with people I knew long ago, and even had a number of my students friend me. (They even stay friends after they get their final grades, too, so I must be doing something right there. Either that, or they’re all really lazy.)

However, several months ago I began to have ex-classmates from the private school I went to start to friend me on there, which put me in a bit of a dilemma. I have said repeatedly that I believe that school messed me up in more ways than I can count, and I still feel that way; a visit back there in 2002 for a University of Toledo commitment (on a Saturday, so I didn’t see any old teachers or anything like that) was very troubling for me. The treatment I received there, from administrators, teachers, and students alike, was beyond intolerable, and I honestly believe that everyone there knew that they could get away with treating me like crap because my parents weren’t as rich as the other parents, so we couldn’t outlast them in a lawsuit. The wounds from back then have dulled in pain, but I doubt they will ever fully heal. Thus, hearing from so many of my old classmates from back then was not exactly comforting to me at first.

That being said, the classmates who have gotten in touch with me were not people who treated me poorly, at least not once we got to high school. They scorned me at times in high school, but, well, it was usually because I was acting like an idiot, so I deserved it. We haven’t really messaged each other beyond the friend requests, but I wouldn’t be opposed to talking with them over the Internet. Face-to-face encounters might be too awkward for me at this point — I’m never going to any reunions — but I guess that maybe now that all these years have passed (more than I care to think about), I’m finally able to put things in context, and I can do a better job of separating my feelings about the school and my time there from my feelings about them. I’m not going to make the first move to initiate conversations with any of them, but I guess now I’m not as opposed to talking with them as I once was. (Maybe one of them can get in touch with the school and tell them to stop sending me snail-mail addressed to "Mr. Sean Shannon." Better yet, maybe they can get the school to stop sending me mail, period.)

There is one thing that bothers me, though. I did a lot of really dumb things when I was there, albeit things that people my age tended to do. (At that school, though, you were never supposed to act like a kid, even when, you know, you were a kid.) Those of you who remember my Internet experiences pre-.org know that I did a lot of stupid things back then, and even in the .org days I’ve still managed to act like an idiot at times. I like to think that I’ve learned how to act better, but there are times when I wonder about that. Sometimes I think that maybe I am still the same idiot I was back then, and I’ve just learned to hide my mistakes better. Even if my old mistakes have been forgotten by the people I knew back then, or if those people have the decency not to bring them up, I still worry that if I ever meet up with them, I’ll just make some new mistakes and things will go back to the way they were for me in my hardest years at that school. I’ve gotten past the point where I’ll care that much about what they think of me, but if I do something like that, then I’ll feel like it will be confirmation that I really haven’t changed in the years that have passed, and that I’m still the same idiot I once was. That’s why I’m probably going to remain passive about contacting them, at least for now.