posted 2007/04/14 at 17:15
These past few days I've had a lot on my mind, about various things going on in my life. I don't want to be too specific, but let's just say that a mix of personal and work stuff has had my mind going in circles now for quite some time. I've tried to alleviate this problem by focusing much more energy than usual into my writing projects, and of course writing is always an excellent channel for releasing that nervous energy that builds up when you've got a lot on your mind. Unfortunately, writing can also be incredibly addicting, and between staying up late because I can't pull myself away from my writing when I'm on a roll, and then having a hard time falling asleep once I finally go to bed because I've still got all this stuff on my mind, I've managed to give myself a severe case of sleep deprivation here.
I've written before about what sleep deprivation does to me, and how I've tried to avoid sleep deprivation because of that. Having abstained from alcohol and illega drugs all my life I can't say whether or not it's true that this feeling is similar to getting high and/or drunk, but I certainly feel like my inhibitions are a lot lower than they normally are. For those of you who remember me from the pre-.org days and can recall all of the absolutely stupid things I did back then (and there's a lot to recall, I know), I'd say at least half of those stupid things came from times when I was feeling like I am right now. This is why normally, when I feel like this, I kind of make a point to speak and write as little as possible, and just try to ride out this feeling until I can get a good night's sleep and hopefully regain my sanity.
For some reason, though, today I've been fixated on this idea I've had in my mind for maybe five or six years now and haven't really developed. I don't know why, but now all of a sudden this idea is starting to flesh itself out almost faster than my brain can keep up with it, and right now, to me, this seems like one of the most brilliant things ever. At the same time, though, I know that I'm not thinking straight right now, and for all I know this idea of mine could be entirely without merit. In the past I just would have gone with this idea at 200 miles an hour (if for no other reason than because I amuse myself easily when I'm feeling like this), but now I'm just writing down all of the details I can, and maybe once I've gotten my head back I can take a look at my notes and see if this is something worthy of my time. It's still a temptation to go ahead with it all now, though.
copyright © 2008 Sean Shannon