posted 2005/09/08 at 17:22
One of the things I discussed these past couple of weeks with my counselor was how aware I've become that I tend to speak of nothing but the troubles in my life -- however large or small -- to engender sympathy from others. After not a small amount of meditation on the subject, I realized that one of the big reasons I've done that in the past is that it seems like a sure-fire way to get attention from people, and that even after I was aware of just how bad I had gotten in terms of complaining about how bad my life was, I was afraid to change how I approached other people because I was worried that if I wasn't constantly pulling people's sympathies towards me, people -- strangers and friends alike -- wouldn't pay attention to me anymore.
After making these discoveries, I think I've at least made some progress. Obviously this isn't going to be an all-at-once thing, especially in light of things like my grandmother's impending passing and the many tragedies unfolding in Hurricane Katrina's wake, but I generally feel stronger, more aware of what I'm thinking and feeling, and better able to avoid getting all "emo" for lack of a better word.
That's all fine and Belldandy, but a new problem has arose, in that now, all of a sudden, no one in my innermost circle of friends is talking to me anymore. Even after I send e-mails explicitly asking for a reply, I'm not getting any kind of response. Granted, my friends are all very busy people with lives of their own to lead, but it's been so long since any of them have gotten hold of me that I'm starting to worry whether or not my change in attitude is, in fact, causing them to stop talking to me.
I'm going to avoid the whole "Oh no one is paying attention to me and no one likes me anymore wah wah wah" shpeel, but I have to say that I am starting to become seriously concerned about what is going on here.
copyright © 2008 Sean Shannon