posted 2005/05/26 at 20:05
These past forty-eight hours or so have been ... well, look, they haven't been what most of you would call "bad," all right? I still have my house, I still have my family, I still have all my fingers and toes, and I'm grateful for that. But it just seems like every other little thing has been going wrong here, and my coping mechanisms are seriously starting to fail me.
Start with the fact that I'm probably off of DDR for a while now thanks to my ankle that refuses to heal itself. Don't forget I have a weigh-in early next week, and my main source of exercise (and unquestionably the most intense) has been cut off from me. Add to that the fact that I seem to have plateaued in my chess-playing ability at a level far below that I was expecting to plateau at, and now the whole game's just become one big frustration to me. I also haven't been getting anything checked off of my summer to-do list, and I can't get my schedule around so that I can go to Wildwood to read in the afternoons like I'd been hoping to.
Now on top of everything else, I'm just finding out today that my brother-in-law's parents are coming here on Monday and then staying with us for the next three weeks. Yeah. No one in this family ever bothers to tell me shit. Every time I go out grocery shopping, I always go around and see if anyone here needs anything (and if they do, I usually end up footing the bill for whatever I buy for them), but when anyone else makes a grocery run do they bother to ask me what I need? No, they don't, thanks for asking.
I know I shouldn't be complaining about anything right now. For the next three months or so I have no school, no job, and hardly any responsibilities at all. Most people my age would kill for an opportunity like this, and I have it, but all that seems to happen is that small stuff like this goes wrong, and I get super-upset about it. I'm not saying there aren't some other things going on here (lingering anger about school stuff, for one), but right now I just feel like shit and I don't know what to do.
The worst part is, I can feel myself slipping off-diet here. I haven't done anything to go off-diet yet, but every time I open the freezer downstairs (which I have to do a lot since I'm icing my bad ankle) I see my parents' ice cream and I have absolutely no idea what is stopping me from going down there right now and scarfing a whole bunch of it down.
Anyway, I'm done being emo for now, at least online. I figure when I get like this, it's better for me to just shut my big mouth and not say anything lest I get myself (or others) into any more trouble. Sorry if I inconvenienced you with this entry.
copyright © 2008 Sean Shannon