posted 2005/03/01 at 23:08
Right now Soundscapes is playing Catherine Marie Charlton's "Shenandoah." I'm typing this here mainly so I can remember to look up her albums later, because this song is one of the loveliest piano solos I've heard in quite some time. Unfortunately, it's gotten me to a point where all I want to do is lay down and go to sleep, but I still have a couple of essays to read for one of tomorrow's classes.
I've been known to do the reading just before class, but I've been trying to avoid doing that lately because I remember stuff a lot better if I read it the night before we go over it in class than if I read it an hour beforehand. The problem this causes is that it usually leaves me with two and a half hours between classes where I have basically nothing to do on campus. Hence my flurry of afternoon posts recently: I don't have much else to do in my office on campus than bounce around online, and occasionally post something here or on the few messageboards I visit. Last year I would have gone up to the Spectrum office and chilled there, but for one thing our office now has a TV with cable that always seems to be tuned to something stupid on MTV or Comedy Central, and for another thing no one who's in the office while I'm up there seems to want to talk to me.
My class on Thursday has been cancelled for this week, so the only reasons I have for going to campus that day are the support group I go to, and the Spectrum meeting. To be honest, I'm not sure I even want to go to the Spectrum meeting; I'm at a point right now where I'm feeling extremely disconnected from most of the people in Spectrum, and I don't know how to bridge that gap. I mean, I'm up here all alone in my bedroom right now listening to new age music, while I know lots of people from Spectrum are at a bar in downtown Bowling Green for their GLBT night, drinking their brains out, watching (bad, bad) drag queens perform, dancing (without even having arrows in front of them!), and all of that stuff. It just doesn't seem like I'd get much of a reaction if I invited those people over here for a night of home cooking and playing chess, you know?
At the same time that I love new age music and chess, though, I love DDR, and I'm, for lack of better words, kinky as all fuck. I know that we should respect and appreciate these kinds of contrary aspects about people -- especially ourselves -- but there are times like tonight when I feel like I somehow need to reconcile these differences within myself, because I'm not even sure I understand them. And if I can't understand myself, how can I expect other people to understand me, let alone like me?
Now if you'll excuse me, those essays aren't going to read themselves ...
copyright © 2008 Sean Shannon