posted 2003/03/17 at 14:33
Remind me never to complain about the cold again. It's only about 65 right now, but because I'll be out until 2200 or so I brought my coat, and I'm just not feeling all that well thanks to this heat. How can 65 feel like layering weather in September, but shorts weather in March, huh? (Not that I'd wear shorts in public; no reason to subject you all to the horrors that are my legs.) There's still a snowbank here at UT that's three feet taller than I am, though; how long is it going to take to melt all this snow away?
I normally get introspective around my birthday, but I seem to be even more so this year. I've nearly patched everything up with the help of my counselor, and after tonight I'll hopefully only have one real sore spot to deal with, but that sore spot hurts. It's like now that all these other small problems are taken care of, this problem's taking up all the space the other problems did. It's like I can't escape misery at all; I can avoid it for a little while, but then it just keeps coming back to me.
I've done some real stupid stuff in my life, as some of the regulars in the .forum can attest to. Last year, after I moved back into the house, though, I jeopardized what was most precious to me for no reason. Afterwards, I deluded myself into thinking it was for the best, but I was just skirting this issue, trying to ignore it. This was the kind of thing you just can't ignore, and I should have known that. I've never ached for want of forgiveness like this before, and the worst part is that I know I don't deserve forgiveness. Maybe it's just the propsect of this war of aggression hanging over everyone right now, but there is just too much pain in this world. In the grand scheme of things, we can't keep holding on to stupidities and ignorances. And we shouldn't try to throw our own stupidities and ignorances onto each other's shoulders, because we all have too much to deal with on our own. I know some people can live on their own without the support of other people, but as far as I'm concerned that's no way to live. We have to stick together, through all the bad stuff.
But I guess all I can do is try to do my part to make things better. If other people don't want to go along, that's their decision, and as wrong as I think it may be, I'll always respect it. I can just hope that other people finally come back around to me. I'll be here waiting for them.
copyright © 2008 Sean Shannon